I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
where are my eyebrows?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
