So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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