Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
