in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
