Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
