And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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