I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
