That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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