the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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