I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
