You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And then my night got REAL pukey
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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