we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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