I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
