I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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