I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
