He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
