Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's the barista slut.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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