Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
the raccoons are back...
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