Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
