So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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