Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
