it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
