Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
