is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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