I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
