if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
