Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
