we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
