How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
