My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
