Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
