i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
