so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
