Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
