Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
