I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
