you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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