I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
