Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
