it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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