just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
