I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
