I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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