after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
