Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
