pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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