I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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