No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
