My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
