I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
