She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
